A Letter to Christine Maggiore of Alive and Well from Sarah C.
I was diagnosed HIV positive in 1990. At that time, my T cell count was a whopping 760 and I had no symptoms of illness. Without any medicines, my T cell count rose higher over the course of a couple years to an even more impressive 1,100. But the HIV positive result was life-threatening in and of itself. I became severely depressed, alcoholic and had suicidal tendencies.
My T cells eventually decreased to what at the time was the dreaded benchmark number--below 500. This meant it was time to begin medications. Despite my counts and depression, in 1994 when I started taking the drugs, I was a robust, healthy 160 pound woman.
I started with AZT and several other drugs. I've taken so many I can't even remember which ones or in what order, but my T cell count continued to drop. When new viral load testing began, my load indicated I needed to begin the protease inhibitor cocktails. I was given a protocol of five drugs‹30 something pills a day) plus hydroxiurea.
In just six weeks, weeks my viral load was undetectable. However, within six months of starting the therapies, I began to develop serious side affects chronic diarrhea, severe wasting, abdominal pain, muscle atrophy, peripheral neuropathy, dangerously high cholesterol, debilitating muscle pain all over my body (especially in my legs, hips and feet), diabetes, loss of appetite, decreased saliva, constant thirst, insomnia, mental confusion, loss of memory and loss of vision. And all the time my T cell count continued to drop. Within one three month period, my count went from 640 to below 200 and no one could explain why my viral load was undetectable the entire time.
We stopped the hydroxiurea thinking that might make a difference, but my T cell count continued to drop and my health continued to fail. Many times during these events I considered stopping the medications, but when I discussed this with my doctors, none of them supported me. Every single doctor I saw remained firm that I should continue the drugs, even after witnessing my decline and seeing me reduced to a skeleton. They insisted my T cell count was too low and that quitting might not reverse the side effects.
Believing that science had given me all it could offer, and believing that HIV eventually lead to death, I concluded that it was the "beginning of the end.˛
About a week later, I decided to listen to my instincts, stop taking all medications and start juicing. Since I looked like and believed I was dying of AIDS, I figured what have I got to lose? By the next day, my body pain was gone. I also noticed that my eyes stopped looking sunken in. Within a couple days, my diabetes was gone. It has now been six weeks. I am rapidly gaining weight, am stronger everyday, and my mind is clear and alert again.
Almost every complication has disappeared. This development alone has led me to question everything I have learned about AIDS as well as the medical community at large. At what point was my doctor going to tell me to stop taking these poisonous drugs? How is it possible that an educated, intelligent physician could consider this medicine life saving?
I'm writing this to you because I was one of those people who totally bought into the AIDS hype. I really believed that my life was in the grip of some virus called HIV and that my future was in the hands of western medicine. Thankfully, my common sense has begun to lead me in a different direction. Now I believe that what ever causes AIDS (and frankly any disease) is related to malnutrition, prolonged exposure to toxicities, and lifestyle including spiritual, emotional and mental health. I am convinced that we create our realities and that if we believe a virus called HIV will cause death, we will die. I also feel the entire medical community is as blinded by these beliefs as the general population. Everyone's funding and research is dependent on the pharmaceutical companies and the status quo, and the pharmaceutical companies have a vested interest in toxins, not natural or nutritional remedies that cannot be patented.
The good news is that my health belongs to me again, and my life and my future are in my own hands. I see that the most important factor in healing is our belief system. I refuse to believe that HIV leads to AIDS or to death, unless we want it to.
Thank you for your bravery in being here for me and for all the people who need to be surrounded by a hopeful and positive vision.
Sincerely grateful for every day of my life,
Sarah C.