(Letter to Christine Maggiore from M)
Dear Christine,
Iım writing to share my story and to thank you for daring to think, say, and do what a lot of us have been afraid to.
Contact tracing puts my HIV positive status back to 1986, but I was diagnosed in 1994 during a routine medical check. I was baffled from the day I got the results My daughter, now eight, tested HIV negative, as did the man I had been dating and having unprotected sex with for the past four years. How could that be? And why wasn't I sick for the seven years between my ³infection² and my diagnosis?
After testing positive, I was referred to a clinical trial at the closest university wherewithout my permissionI was put on AZT. In six months, I went from healthy to very sick. Every time I expressed concern, I was told that my symptoms were caused by HIV, not the drugs I was taking. Since the clinical trial did not allow me to stop the medicines, I decided to quit taking them and say I was complying even though I was not. Within a month, I began to feel finehealthy and happy and like myself again. I was told I had AIDS because my T-cell count was 200, but itıs been seven years since I stopped taking any meds, and I have not been sick. I have had flu twice but thatıs all. I have a new doctor that treats me nicely and does not make assumptions about my health.
A while back, I met this nice guy who was among the first people in this country to be diagnosed positive. He's taken every drug invented for HIV and AIDS, and now heıs on HAART. At 47 years old, he looks like 80. Iıve had the diagnosis almost as long as he has, but we took different paths in managing our diagnosis. His path has obviously not worked, but he doesn't think he has a choice. He's not happy with the way the drugs have made him look; theyıve worn him out, and he's not optimistic like me. Because of his HIV status, he never married and never had kids, something that makes him very sad. I love him very much and would like to help him to stop taking the drugs. I'm afraid if he quits now, he might get sick, but at the same time, I know the drugs are harming and not helping him. Before all this, he was very active and very handsome. Please, help me help him. I donıt want him to die. I love him so much!
Christine, you say what a lot of us want to shout out loud. Thank you so much. I hope you can help me. You can share my story but please keep my name confidential for now.
Thanks,
M