Gazette columnist Bee B. Sharper ferrets out the facts that Harper’s misses.

B. Bea’s Very First Series

Maximum mcg per liter of mercury allowed by EPA in U.S. drinking water: 2.

Average mcg per liter of mercury found in saliva of persons with amalgam dental fillings: 100.

Number of people who die each year from side effects of prescription drugs: 180,000.

Annual U.S. expenditure on nuclear weapons (now that the Cold War is over): $30.000,000,000

Estimated number of bacteria that cohabit with the average adult human: lO,OOO,OOO,OOO,OOO,OOO (ten quadrillion).

By FDA estimates, the percentage of doctors who report adverse effects of vaccinations: 10%.

Amount already spent by 1997 by the medical establishment looking for weapons to combat HIV: $6,000,000,000.

Number of effective treatments that have resulted from this expenditure: O.

According to the Office of Technology Assessment, percentage of drugs that have no scientific proof of effectiveness: 95 %

Pounds you would have to gain after quitting smoking to equal the strain on your heart of a one-pack-a-day cigarette habit: 85.

Amount of tax money given to Dr. Michael Carey of LSU to study the effects of gunshot wounds to the heads of rats after his experiments in which 700 cats were shot in the head failed to yield any new findings in the field: $1,838,308,

Number of people–some of them mentally deficient children– used as unknowing subjects in U.5. government and university radiation-dosage experiments between 1945 and 1962: 210,OOO

Number of scientific articles published since 1984 that have addressed the link between ingesting cow’s milk (and milk-based infant formula) during the first several mouths of life and the subsequent development of insulin-dependent diabetes: 90+.

According to a Journal of Clinical Psychiatry article, percentage of nose-pickers who experience sexual stimulation from nose picking: 0.4%.

By Pure Water Gazette survey, the number of times the average American says “hopefully” each day: 374.3.

Except for the sentence above, number of the times the aforementioned bogus word has appeared in the Pure Water Gazette: 0

Number of years the Mississippi River could run on water that would result if the ice at the South Pole melted: 50,000.

Gallons of water emitted into the atmosphere daily by a full-grown tree: 70.

Gallons of water required to produce a typical dinner meal in the U.S.: 3,000.

Gallons of water required to produce the average Sunday newspaper: 150.

Number of companies that have signed PETA’s agreement never to test products on animals: 500.

Number of pumpkin pies baked each holiday season: 75,600,000

“Outside of a dog, a countertop water filter is man’s best friend.  Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to drink water.”–Groucho Marx.Model 77–“The World’s Greatest $77 Water Filter.”

Average dollar amount spent on treating each AIDS patient: $119,000.

Percentage of girls who played high school sports in 1971: 4.

Percentage of girls who played high school sports in 1994: 33.

Number of AIDS cases projected by experts for 1995: 97,800.

Approximate total number of AIDS cases we would have had in 1995 if experts of the 1980s had been right: 8,000,000.

Approximate number of chucks that a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood: 17.

Gallons of milk drunk daily by a nursing blue whale calf: 130

Average pounds gained per hour by nursing blue whale calf: 8.5

Most kisses recorded in a single movie (John Barrymore in Don Juan): 191.

Longest kiss recorded in a movie (Jane Wyman and Regis Toomey in You’re in the Army Now, 1941): 3 min. 5 sec.

Percentage of staphylococci infections that were resistant to penicillin in 1960: 13%.

Percentage of staphylococci infections that were resistant to penicillin in 1987: 91 %.

Number of trees that must be cut down to produce a ton of newsprint: 24.

Number of typical trees that must be cut down to print a typical 1.8 million copies of a typical 3.5 pound Sunday issue of the New York Times: 75,600.

Length of time a person can be sustained by meat protein produced by a cow grazing on one acre of land for a year: 2.5 months.

Length of time a person can be sustained by soybean protein produced on the same land: 7 years.

Pounds of manure produced by the 101,000,000 cows, 58,000,000 pigs, and 7,000,000,000 chickens bred for slaughter in the U. S. each year: 32,000,000,000.

Pounds of this manure eventually making its way to American dinner tables recycled as flesh: ????.

Number of centenarians in the U.S. in 1990, according to the Census Bureau: 36,000.

Age at her death of Jeanne Calment of Arles, France, who recommended laughter as the key to living a long Iife: 123.

Gallons of water leaked in a month by a 1/8-inch hole: 108,000.

Approximate dollar cost of such a leak: $476.

Amount paid to date to Dr. Christopher Cunningham of Oregon Health Sciences University to arrive at his “break-through” finding that rats consume less alcohol when in a state of hypothermia: $1,343,129.

Pounds of non-degradable plastic toothbrushes estimated to be in U.S. Iandfills: 100,000,000.

Gallons of water used each year by an average U.S. washing machine: 15,597.

Gallons of water contained in the average thundercloud: 25,000,000.

Number of compounds discovered in a recent Mayo Clinic study that reduced the damage of strokes in laboratory animals: 25.

Number of these compounds that reduced the damage of strokes in human patients: 0.

According to the New York Times, percentage of money put into gumball machines to support the March of Dimes that is kept by the vending company: 85%.

Regular price of Pure Water Products Model 77 countertop water filter: $77.

Sale price of a comparable countertop filter recently advertised in Vegetarian Times magazine: $189.

Hourly wage of Haitian workers making Disney-licensed Pocahantas pajamas: $0.30.

Hourly wage equivalent of former Disney Corporation chairman Michael Eisner: $100,000.

Approximate annual income of the American Cancer Society: $400,000,000.

Approximate portion of that income that goes to pay staff salaries: 80%.

Number of people in the Los Angeles area hospitalized recently after eating chips made with the fake fat Olestra: 200.

According to a secret Frito-Lay study, percentage of Olestra users who experienced “anal oil leakage”: 9%.

Years required for nature to form one inch of topsoil: 200 to 1,000.

Percentage of doctors who belonged to the American Medical Association in the 1960s: 90%.

Percentage of doctors who belong the AMA in the late 1990s: 40%.

Percentage of cerebral palsy found by recent research breakthrough by Diana Schendel, Ph.D. to be preventable by simple magnesium supplementation during pregnancy: 63.

Percentage of mental retardation found by the same research to be preventable by magnesium supplementation: 49.

Percentage of this research funded by the March of Dimes, the wealthiest of the birth defects charities: 0.

Ratio of Americans who die each year in auto accidents to those who die from infections picked up in hospitals: 1:1.

Average number of seconds an American patient is allowed to speak before being interrupted by a doctor: 18.

Percentage of first-year medical students who believe a knowledge of nutrition is important to their career: 74.

Percentage of third-year medical students who believe this: 13.

Approximate number of people in the developing world who do not have access to a bare minimum of safe drinking water: 1,100,000,000.

Number of the world’s ten busiest McDonald’s franchises that are located in Russia or Hong Kong: 5.

Number of meals Bill Gates ate in Moscow on his 1998 trip that were not from McDonald’s: 0.

Chances that a person diagnosed with high blood pressure will have normal blood pressure when not at the doctor’s office: 1 in 4.

Average number of performance days lost per high-school football injury: 5.6.

Average number of performance days lost per high-school cheerleading injury: 28.8.

Total approximate weight in pounds of the collected components of a human’s immune system: 2.